never ending worry of a mommy of a diabetic

the changes are never ending, and the stress level seems to always be code orange. Julian's fragile, and unstable little being keeps this mommy on the edge with no breaks. He is still so sensitive to insulin and continues to peak and crash with a blink of a eye.

The soft baby fingers and toes, that were so small, wrinkled, and soft ( man, how many countless times I kissed them endlessly) are now being starting to become hard and calisted. Just in the past week I have had to change the gage on Julian's finger pricker to level 2 and sometimes 3, because how tough his skin is becoming due to scar tissue. Such a small this has saddened my mommy heart, and really makes checking glucose harder. How difficult to inflict pain(small amount but none the less pain) and draw blood from my just shy 2 year old from his fingers and toes- knowing someday he could, and quite possibly will lose sensations because the protocol to his disease. I many times wonder, will he need sensation to his fingers as a teen? Maybe to play a musical instrument of his choice? Or maybe as a adult, for his choice of career?

Julian has been on what we call " sick day treatment" due to unexplained diarrhea( i think maybe 2 year molars). It has been hanging around for about two weeks and is causing Julian to have sporadic highs and lows. Last night Julian went to be with blood glucose of 138(perfect) and woke up 2 hours later screaming with a blood sugar of 26. So very scary to see your child in such a confused, disoriented, sick state.

Recognizing your life is in motion and always changing is one thing- but adjusting to it is another. I many time wonder as I am doing day to day things.. how many parents and people out there take their lifestyle for granted? I know I sure did, prior to June 5th of this year!! As I am tyring to plan Julian's 2nd birthday party- I find myself debating and weighting food choices by the carb intake per serving. I do not want my child to have to be told " no, u cant have that" at his own birthday celebration because of the carbs he would consume. So instead of potato chips- we will have cheese, and rather than sucking on lollipops- we will have pickles. Of course we will also have treats just as other birthday parties would, but I would like to cut corners to make life easier and less painful for him if I can help it.
Do you know how many carbs per serving are in your child's birthday cake? Probably not. I wish it was easier to inform and educate people on the reality of this life style.. but the ugly truth is- PEOPLE don't care until it personally effects them. But that's just it- you never know when or who will be diagnosed next.
Just this week Josh and I brought Julian to a play place at the mall of MacArthur. As I checked Julian's blood sugar before setting him free to play. A lady sitting to my right, politely said, " I don't mean to pry ma'am, but are you checking his blood sugar" i told her yes, and explained that he is a type 1 diabetic. She was shocked and was full of questions. She went on to tell me that the day care her son is attending keeps telling her, he is having frequent thirst and urination. She pointed out who her child was, and I got chills up and down my spine. The look in and around her sons eyes, was deja vu. It was bone chilling, but i calmly began to explain to her about diabetes, and showed her how it is managed ( just so she had heads up if her son were to be diagnosed. that way she would have some knowledge) I advised her to bring him to a doctor just to be on the safe said- but in my heart i was terrified for her, but didn't let her know that. She proceeded to tell me that her husband is a type 1 diabetic, and that pretty much put the icing on the cake for me, I am almost certain that this little 4 year old did/does indeed have diabetes as well.

Life is short and very unpredictable.. I challenge you to learn something new about a disorder or diease this week, that you do not know much about! :)