Saturday, March 21, 2020
Friday, March 20, 2020
The midst of Chaos & Change, Thanks COVID
It's been pure madness, but I think we are finally finding a sweet spot..
Technically my kids are still on " Spring break" SO we have NOT begun school work at home YET.
We've played outside, and being the weather has been in the 80's, even busted out the pool for Harper to play in.
Technically my kids are still on " Spring break" SO we have NOT begun school work at home YET.
We've played outside, and being the weather has been in the 80's, even busted out the pool for Harper to play in.
Harper has also begun to push her walker around- she sort of has no choice since she rolled over Jai's finishing wire with her 'sit ' in walker.
There have been many bike rides, and stroller pushing in these days. The four walls have closed on me each and every day, and breaking free for some fresh air is a necessity.
Jai and Julian rarely let me get pictures of them. Jai' does not sit still long enough for a picture, and Julian doesn't want to be captured. IF I can get a picture of either of them, they make the most ridiculous face.. ugh!
For the first time in a week Jai' left our house. We've had him scheduled to see a psychiatrics doctor for over a month. This was an appointment we could not miss. All precautions were taken, and in the end I am so relieved that we didn't cancel.
Hearing some of his comments, and answers to questions was absolutely heart breaking, and dealing with another diagnosis isn't the easiest. But this is necessary.
Jai deserves to feel worthy, to feel smart, to fit in. He deserves to not be labeled as the disruption, or troubled kid. He deserves to be able to show off how intelligent he really is! And ADHD has robbed him of that! I think Josh and I knew for quite some time ( over a year) that he had ADHD, but its worsening. It has impacted his relationships, academics, and even his ability to play recreational sports. It has kept him up at night, his brain unable to rest long enough for him to fall asleep.
Being we are homeschooling right now, it gives us the perfect time to be with Jai' 24/7 and observe how the medication works for him. It will allow us to make the appropriate adjustments that may be needed in order to insure he is completely set up for success when it is time to return to school.
Stay tuned.. I will certainly update as this new journey begins...
Julian's diabetes is another feat we are battling right now. He is smack dab in the middle of puberty. Ew.
And man, is it a monster when combined with diabetes. It has made this transition even harder, as his new school does NOT have a nurse available at all times, and has required me to be at the school VERY frequently to help manage him. In many ways I am thankful for this mandated home schooling, because I was already teetering the line of wanting to pull Julian out. I was spending SO much time at the school, or he was spending SO much time with the health aid, it was hindering his academic performance as well.
This time, home with me allows me the time necessary to tweak his regimen too. Hopefully we can find a safe place to land, so that when going to middle school next year he too can soar academically. The middle schools across the nation expect middle school age diabetics to manage their disease on their own, with very little intervention from any adults.
Being the control freak I am, #helocoptermom... this freaks me out.
However, I will do my best to set him up for success in the midst of all this chaos and change, thanks to COVID.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Social distancing
National State of Emergency?
What the.. WHAT!?
I've been social MEDIA distancing for over a month now.. and now we are being told to social distance physically..? Is this real life?
I can tell you social media distancing is eye opening. It is so amazing to not be glued to your phone.. to not have to check in on facebook after every single thing you do.
It was a new mind set.. the first couple days I would think.. " oh that's post worthy", in my head I would imagine what my post would say... how it would read. how to word it to get the greater response. I can not tell you how many times I picked up my phone to reference something or post a thought... only to then realize, "OH YEAH dummy.."
As the days turned into weeks, my thinking switched. I went from thinking," I can post this..." to thinking, " I can pray about this.".
Posting about it would bring on further worry. It got feed back that didn't fix anything. It never made my concerns, or problem go away or get resolved. It usually brought upon more anxiety as others spoke of their own experiences, thoughts, and their opinions.
I was not reading the problems of the world, I was not being shaken. I found myself being able to focus on my family, on my problems, on making myself better. I was getting acquainted, settled in my home and in my soul( even as lonesome as it was).
-- I was praying about things, and not posting about them. I was reading my scripture, not a news feed. I was spending my mornings exercise and listening to focus on the family, versus scrolling over the same post over and over again. I was moving in the right direction. I was healing. I was growing.
… and then... here comes coronavirus. I have rebounded. I am so worried, I feel sick. I'm back to watching the news, and back on facebook. I reactivated because I have questions.... mostly about breastfeeding. Because facebook knows all. I assume through facebook I can learn from those in other countries what their experience was first hand, and bypass media hype. I thought this would make me feel better.. but it makes me feel worse.
Social media does not know all. GOD KNOWS ALL. HE is in control.
Social distancing is hard for everyone right now.
Social media distancing is even more difficult right now, MORE THAN EVER.
After all ...we are by nature SOCIAL PEOPLE.
BUT TRUST ME BOTH IS NECESSARY!!! Social media is making things worse!!!
I encourage everyone to take the next two weeks- to a month and FOCUS ON YOUR FAMILY. FOCUS ON YOU.
Spend time in prayer, rather than posting. Spend time reading your scripture, rather than your news feed! Go for walks, picnics, color a page in the coloring book with your kids, rather than going out and painting the town. Use this time for GROWTH!
Stay safe, wash your hands.....
WE will get through this!
What the.. WHAT!?
I've been social MEDIA distancing for over a month now.. and now we are being told to social distance physically..? Is this real life?
I can tell you social media distancing is eye opening. It is so amazing to not be glued to your phone.. to not have to check in on facebook after every single thing you do.
It was a new mind set.. the first couple days I would think.. " oh that's post worthy", in my head I would imagine what my post would say... how it would read. how to word it to get the greater response. I can not tell you how many times I picked up my phone to reference something or post a thought... only to then realize, "OH YEAH dummy.."
As the days turned into weeks, my thinking switched. I went from thinking," I can post this..." to thinking, " I can pray about this.".
Posting about it would bring on further worry. It got feed back that didn't fix anything. It never made my concerns, or problem go away or get resolved. It usually brought upon more anxiety as others spoke of their own experiences, thoughts, and their opinions.
I was not reading the problems of the world, I was not being shaken. I found myself being able to focus on my family, on my problems, on making myself better. I was getting acquainted, settled in my home and in my soul( even as lonesome as it was).
-- I was praying about things, and not posting about them. I was reading my scripture, not a news feed. I was spending my mornings exercise and listening to focus on the family, versus scrolling over the same post over and over again. I was moving in the right direction. I was healing. I was growing.
… and then... here comes coronavirus. I have rebounded. I am so worried, I feel sick. I'm back to watching the news, and back on facebook. I reactivated because I have questions.... mostly about breastfeeding. Because facebook knows all. I assume through facebook I can learn from those in other countries what their experience was first hand, and bypass media hype. I thought this would make me feel better.. but it makes me feel worse.
Social media does not know all. GOD KNOWS ALL. HE is in control.
Social distancing is hard for everyone right now.
Social media distancing is even more difficult right now, MORE THAN EVER.
After all ...we are by nature SOCIAL PEOPLE.
BUT TRUST ME BOTH IS NECESSARY!!! Social media is making things worse!!!
I encourage everyone to take the next two weeks- to a month and FOCUS ON YOUR FAMILY. FOCUS ON YOU.
Spend time in prayer, rather than posting. Spend time reading your scripture, rather than your news feed! Go for walks, picnics, color a page in the coloring book with your kids, rather than going out and painting the town. Use this time for GROWTH!
Stay safe, wash your hands.....
WE will get through this!
Yall. Military life has been strumming on the beat of lonesome lately.
Goes to show that new beginnings are not always what you imagine they will be.
I was sure moving off my old street, leaving the old job, getting a more spacious house.. I figured it would all be answers to my problems.
All the solutions appeared to be in Florida. the town in Florida, didn't particularly matter( IN MY HEAD). The particular house didn't matter either, as long as it was four bedrooms and larger than 2000 sq ft.
Afterall, the year of 2019 was horrific. challenging. trailing. The ONLY perk was our blessing of Harper on 4/25/19.
…a quick recap for those who aren't familiar..
Literally, the kids and I have spent the greater part of this year alone. Military life can be such a lonesome life to live... but more so when you have a baby in the middle of a deployment, struggle with terrible breast infections at which land you on the brink of surgery, in addition you're still managing diabetes for a kid who is in the midst of puberty and depression.
Add the sell of a home, the purchase of another, the transfer and a week in a hotel. YALL 2019 has been a year for the books- let me tell you.
Fast farward.. we are in March of 2020..so approx. 3ish months.
Here I stand, in my big Ol' new house... trying to come to terms with this change of pace. Suddenly everything is quiet... to spend another 30 days with out my husband but after they'll throw him home, in a new job, trying to get up to par with how I've been running the house is difficult. It's something civilians can not fathom. You have to walk this walk in order to truly understand the struggle.
We know noone here. Not sure how to meet people either, for peets sake. We live in such a quiet community, filled with "snow birds" with the exception of a couple young youthful families. Our neighborhood is off the beaten path, so you have to come back here with intention. There aren't many " MOPS" groups, YMCA's, or any family friendly type festivities. In this world we live in.. where social media mingling is prominent, and the little bit of face to face interaction is being drastically minimized due to social distancing in full swing( THANKS CORNAVIRUS).
Lets face it.. being a stay at home mom, the newbie of the block, already not so extroverted-self....well, all of this is makes friendship building and mingling impossible.
BRIGHT SIDE:
Elderly, or should I say OVER 60 being the average age means it's QUIET! It's LOW KEY! DMV is never busy, the movies doesn't have lines, there are a ton of walking trails, and all pharmacies have drive up and delivery!
Also added bonus-
Josh is home from work by 11 each day, thank god because otherwise I would for sure go insane due to lack of adult interaction. However, it is such new territory to be each others only source of conversation, and entertainment. I often wonder why God chose these orders? Why did he chose this house? This school district? What are we suppose to do here? How will we grow here..? It seems like such a waste right now, but in due time I know the purpose will be revealed to me.
I need a focus. Something aside from Mom'n to keep my busy. I've been on the fence about a couple things, just not sure where I want to dip my toes. I feel so distracted, and torn in multiple directions. I do not feel like I can go back to school, although its what my heart tells me to do.( mostly due to only getting 4ish hours of sleep nightly, and getting absolutely NO time to myself to do anything....Harper is always in tow. ALWAYS)
I am not good at doing nothing. I am not good at being stagnate, and not learning, or growing. I become more toxic the longer I sit, sorta like a fermenting grape. Maybe a fermented Jonnilin would be good? a drunkened me... maybe she would be more laid back and fun, but maybe she would be MIKE TYSON, an angry fighter, a lonely depressed, miserable self... that NOONE wants to be around.
Unfortunately I feel like I would be the latter of the two.
But I will keep pushing forward. I am starting to think the quiet is just what I need, WHAT WE NEED to grow in faith and our relationship with the lord.
It is a journey, and growth that I wont see results to like I would a semester report card, but the pay off will go so much further. It will show in the kids we are raising and how they will contribute to society in the coming years. It will show in the longevity of my marriage, and friendship with my husband. It will show in my overall mental and physical health. I just have to remain on task.
I am not sure what's my purpose to writing this. Not sure where it is even going? I just guess an outlet is what was needed as my anxiety mounts, and depression begins to set in on my soul like fog in mornings break.
I am trying. I am growing. I am moving forward.
Goes to show that new beginnings are not always what you imagine they will be.
I was sure moving off my old street, leaving the old job, getting a more spacious house.. I figured it would all be answers to my problems.
All the solutions appeared to be in Florida. the town in Florida, didn't particularly matter( IN MY HEAD). The particular house didn't matter either, as long as it was four bedrooms and larger than 2000 sq ft.
Afterall, the year of 2019 was horrific. challenging. trailing. The ONLY perk was our blessing of Harper on 4/25/19.
…a quick recap for those who aren't familiar..
Literally, the kids and I have spent the greater part of this year alone. Military life can be such a lonesome life to live... but more so when you have a baby in the middle of a deployment, struggle with terrible breast infections at which land you on the brink of surgery, in addition you're still managing diabetes for a kid who is in the midst of puberty and depression.
Add the sell of a home, the purchase of another, the transfer and a week in a hotel. YALL 2019 has been a year for the books- let me tell you.
Fast farward.. we are in March of 2020..so approx. 3ish months.
Here I stand, in my big Ol' new house... trying to come to terms with this change of pace. Suddenly everything is quiet... to spend another 30 days with out my husband but after they'll throw him home, in a new job, trying to get up to par with how I've been running the house is difficult. It's something civilians can not fathom. You have to walk this walk in order to truly understand the struggle.
We know noone here. Not sure how to meet people either, for peets sake. We live in such a quiet community, filled with "snow birds" with the exception of a couple young youthful families. Our neighborhood is off the beaten path, so you have to come back here with intention. There aren't many " MOPS" groups, YMCA's, or any family friendly type festivities. In this world we live in.. where social media mingling is prominent, and the little bit of face to face interaction is being drastically minimized due to social distancing in full swing( THANKS CORNAVIRUS).
Lets face it.. being a stay at home mom, the newbie of the block, already not so extroverted-self....well, all of this is makes friendship building and mingling impossible.
BRIGHT SIDE:
Elderly, or should I say OVER 60 being the average age means it's QUIET! It's LOW KEY! DMV is never busy, the movies doesn't have lines, there are a ton of walking trails, and all pharmacies have drive up and delivery!
Also added bonus-
Josh is home from work by 11 each day, thank god because otherwise I would for sure go insane due to lack of adult interaction. However, it is such new territory to be each others only source of conversation, and entertainment. I often wonder why God chose these orders? Why did he chose this house? This school district? What are we suppose to do here? How will we grow here..? It seems like such a waste right now, but in due time I know the purpose will be revealed to me.
I need a focus. Something aside from Mom'n to keep my busy. I've been on the fence about a couple things, just not sure where I want to dip my toes. I feel so distracted, and torn in multiple directions. I do not feel like I can go back to school, although its what my heart tells me to do.( mostly due to only getting 4ish hours of sleep nightly, and getting absolutely NO time to myself to do anything....Harper is always in tow. ALWAYS)
I am not good at doing nothing. I am not good at being stagnate, and not learning, or growing. I become more toxic the longer I sit, sorta like a fermenting grape. Maybe a fermented Jonnilin would be good? a drunkened me... maybe she would be more laid back and fun, but maybe she would be MIKE TYSON, an angry fighter, a lonely depressed, miserable self... that NOONE wants to be around.
Unfortunately I feel like I would be the latter of the two.
But I will keep pushing forward. I am starting to think the quiet is just what I need, WHAT WE NEED to grow in faith and our relationship with the lord.
It is a journey, and growth that I wont see results to like I would a semester report card, but the pay off will go so much further. It will show in the kids we are raising and how they will contribute to society in the coming years. It will show in the longevity of my marriage, and friendship with my husband. It will show in my overall mental and physical health. I just have to remain on task.
I am not sure what's my purpose to writing this. Not sure where it is even going? I just guess an outlet is what was needed as my anxiety mounts, and depression begins to set in on my soul like fog in mornings break.
I am trying. I am growing. I am moving forward.
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