Locks of love ...

I did it! Hair chopped off! I'm so proud of myself for being brave! I didn't shed a single tear, had not a oz of fear & even though it had to be cut shorter than I thought- I was committed and followed through!

Josh had a half day of work, & Fridays are military discount day... So it worked out ! I really love my hair cut- I feel so free & so much lighter. The salon was willing to mail my hair in for me, but I told them no that I wanted to bring it home to show my son! I wanted to teach Julian a lesson! Wanted to show him that being selfless could mean changing a life!
When I got home he was acting so funny! Almost like he was embarrassed! He ran to his room and shut the door and got under the covers of his bed. He was fully of giggles and snickers... It was cute how embarrassed he was. I tried warming him up by saying " look juju ..look what jai would look like as a girl", as I draped my locks next to Jai's face. Not a second or so later ... Julian in excitement yanked my longest lock( back was 12 inches)! The pony tail just rained hair. All I Could do was cry. Thankfully I still had two full locks- and was able to salvage some of the 12 inch lock.
But my heart was so broken. I wanted to be so angry with Julian, & at myself. I wished I had just left my hair at the salon... I was so excited to give the gift to the corporation. To a child suffering during a time of illness and hardships. It hurt to collect the hair that laid on Julian's bed, and Simply toss in the trash.(the bit that i couldnt put back together in the pony) i didn't cut my hair to look good- have a new look- or anything like that. I did it knowing it was for a good cause. Putting parts of it in my kitchen trash can was NOT a good cause..... Totally heart breaking. Without a doubt I will grow it out again and donate again. The feeling of bravery, selflessness, and having the ability to bless a complete stranger with your locks of LOVE & kindness was such a indescribable feeling.

Measuring up

At this point, I feel like breaking a measuring stick, just because it does it's job, measure. Being held at such a high standard, is making failing, or falling short so dang easy..

Modern day mommy life seems to mean spotless house, successful in school and/or careers, having dinner cooked on time daily, being fit, perky and firm, crafty, and stylish. Meaning, being a step ahead of own self, and absolutely never failing; not to meantion never falling short. I beat myself to a pulp because I strive to achieve this daily, and it has done nothing but make stress levels higher, runing myself into the ground, leaving me tap dancing on the line of, "failure".

Yesterdays cry fest, because of scheduling not going.. my way.. to todays cry fest because Julian's schooling not going my way. Kickball sign ups not in MY favor, not to meantion all the other tedious things that I try to micromangage to keep myself " successful". You know, dishes cleaned, put away, fridge bleached clean, floors spotless, clothes laundryed, & put away nicely....etc.etc.etc.etc.
^^ sounds like a spoiled brat right? My my My my, I i I ii.. not really. I am absolutely selfless, however, I am OCD & a smiggen of a control/planning freak. Despite all my plans/ self made school schedule, planning for Julian and his involvment, and my daily task reminders... I fall short... over and over. Finally, after crying until my eye makeup was down to my jaw bone, I've realized. You foolish girl, accept that You are NOT in control at all. You do not need to measure up. God is in full control, and HE has plans for you... his timing is the best timing. Your life is HIS will, and his will will be, at his own timing.

I want so badly to have my hosue look like it was freshly clipped out of a magazine, and for things to fall right into place.. but in all actualility I don't need to 'measure up'. I need to do what I do..
-mother
-housekeep
-be studious in my study
-love
-praise
-and enjoy life with my family.
As long as I be the best I can be, in the work I do.... then I am succeeding. And as far as timing is concerned, my life is at the Mercy of God himself, and his timing & plans for me. I know he has plans, and really awesome plans at that. I just need to let them play out the way they are meant to.... not the way i intend for them to.
“Whatever you do, work heartily. . . . You are serving the Lord Christ.”Colossians 3:23–24

"I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the LORD; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope." Jeremiah 29:11

With that said, I will not graduate before we move again.. infact I am not planning graduation, just one taking it one semester at a time.
Julian will not be attending church school again this year. I PLANNED to homeschool, then went back to thinking classes might be best.. now back to homeschooling(for now). What actually happends, planned or not.. is not my control.
(those were my biggest fall outs thus far this week)
The stress of being a modern day mommy( pinterest birthday parties, magazine cut out clean home, perfectly perfect hair,makeup,stylish outfit etc..) is no longer going to consume my life on a daily bases. I will work hard at what I do, and do it to the best of my ability, with out letting it consume my day,time and effort. Those are all things my kids deserve more than anyones impression of my home, or my image.
Striving to be the best me I can be & doing the best job I can perform with each days circumstances- will be considered success by me. And hopefully your visit will fall on a day that circumstances are at a minimal. ;) and chores were able to be tended to- but incase it's not one of those days.... At least I warned you! I am no longer striving to be a modern day mommy ... Just me. A mommy, striving to be the best I can be.

Ok. Rant over ...

Sleep Training...

Since last week I decided, NO MORE. I absolutely has not rushed Jai' into anything(unlike I did Julian) .. simply because he is my baby... and probably my last baby. With Julian I rushed solids, rushed sleeping alone, sleeping through the night, potty training, walking.. etc.etc.etc.  annnnnd i regretted it, so this go around I said I did not want to rush Jai into growing up.
He has done everything at his own pace, with little assistance from me...Until last week. Lately, Jai' has been going to bed at his usual time..... then waking around midnight and staying up, talking/whining until 4-5ish. After trying to console him over and over, I found myself sleeping on his floor next to his crib/praying/begging GOD/ and finally, found myself cranky,tried & frustrated.  I decided sleep trainging take 2 was about to find it's way to my house hold.

Tuesday-Friday... Jai still woke around the same times, each and every night. I cut his naps down to two naps per day(morning 1.5 hour and evening 1 hour). I tried my best to keep him up as long as possible and also pushed back his bedtime from 630-7... to 8pm. It seemed to be working, slightly, but was an adjustment. He would not get fed in the middle the night anymore( weaned him down to nothing/water throughout the week) and would try to console him when he first started talking, then if that wasn't cutting it for him, i'd just shut the door and would go to sleep..ignoring him best I could.

Being he still was waking, and I was simply TRYING to ignore him.. I figured this process was not moving along as quickly as I had hoped.. but consistency is key, so I was going to keep trying.

Saturday we had plans to see some friends that live out of town that were in the area. They came over to visit. We had a nice visit, and Jai' of course missed nap due to company( which i was totally okay with). Sunday we went to church, followed by a picnic at the park... then back to church for group. Jai got half a nap in the AM, in order to make church on time. and almost a full nap once we finally got home around 3pm & went to bed around 8 pm last night. To my surprise, Jai went his butt to sleep and I stayed awake waiting for Josh to return from bringing a recruit to new orleans... and to watch Army wives & Client List. We went to bed around 11, and i thought sure Jai would be up within a hour. Nope. 4:48 am, He finally woke! HOLY smokes.. that is the LONGEST he has EVER slept! and to me that is SLEEPING thought the night.. holy smokes- Sweet Success! Thank you Jesus!!!

This was the first time in about 3 years that I slept all night! And it is amazing what one can accomplish when fully rested! This morning I have already worked in my garden, mopped floors, steamed floors, cooked tonight and tomorrows dinner, bathe' Jai* he helped in garden too* made lunch, cleaned from lunch, put Jai to nap & cleaned front & back porch! yup, and its only 1:44! :)
I realize with Julian, when he first started sleeping through the night( 11 months old) it was hit and miss for the first month(ish time frame).. and then it became more of a nightly occurrence. I am praying, and crossing my fingers that Jai just goes right into sleeping every night... but being today, his third tooth is erupting, I'm afraid it will be the exact opposite. Insane, a week ago our Peurto rican neighbor saw us on the porch and came to say Hello. She saw Jai smile, and noticed his two front, bottom teeth, and said.. Oh look, the other two will be up soon. I replied ," where??" she pointed,... but honestly, there was nothing to see. Not even swelling. She went on saying," I give it two weeks and it will be up." i really thought she was seeing a glare or something.. because there was NO EVIDENCE of anything. Annnddd.. what do ya know? she was right! I can hardly believe it! I dont know what exactly she saw that I didnt, but she def. knew!  He has been a crying miss all day, wit a small temp. Poor baby is miserable.. hopefully, it comes out quicker than the first two that took their sweet ol' time

The boys and I have also been taking our evening strolls to pick black berries! Julian thinks highly of these wild grown berries but not so highly of the picky bushes- so mommy is left doing the dirty work.

Pinterest pops!

Both were sugar free & the pudding pops had only 12 carbs! Jai had his very own type of pudding pop! Yummy

Picture catchup from last week...

 

Yes. Despite Julian's age and maturity over Jai's, he still instigates, and par takes in emptying wipe boxes with his little brother. BUSTED, Twice in one day. Come'on.. Really boys?

                                       
Does anyone think it's possible for my kids to be any cuties? I mean, seriously.. how cute are they?

 Here's Jai on one of his rash healing, diaper less day.... Do you see a stream on my threshold? hmm..