venting.

so the last few days have been pretty rough on me as a mother. I noticed Julian's blood sugar patterns take a turn for the worse and despite my education, experience, and mothers tuition- i could not make his numbers improve. Finally, after staying awake til 3 am fighting Julian's blood sugars, tears, and mommy GUILT- i called his doctor. I knew his insulin was good- and i was doing the math accurately, even over treating him in hopes of it keeping his sugar lower, nothing helped. I sat on the computer and did research on diabetes- natural ways of helping control it. I came across some things i am willing to try in the future such as a Asian melon that natural has insulin. Many diabetics drink the juice of this melon once a day and it helps keep their blood sugars in a healthy range. Also many people swear cinnamon has can help control and regulate blood sugars. I am willing to try anything that for sure wont harm my son- but could potentially help him. After reading the book, Daniel's gift, then I sat down with josh to watch John Q(for the first time) then reading about this poor baby, Tripp- i am thankful that Julian's only condition is one that is (for the most part) not painful and can be controlled.
However, after being rejected for the time because of his disease, does not let me forget how serious it is, nor how scary it can be for others who do not understand it. It hit a never- the spiked a deep sadness in me...

Julian's insulin intake has increased- a good bit. and so far so good! But my mommy guilt pressed on. I try my very best to help Julian to lead a normal life, and moving back down to Louisiana is opening so many new doors for us. I decided i wanted to enroll Julian into preschool for a few days a week. It was only 15 dollars a day, two days a week- from 9 am- 2 pm. Everything was going great until I mentioned he was a type 1 diabetic. After those simple three words- the teacher/owner of 30 years may as well slammed the phone down and left me talking to a dial tone. She completely shut down- telling me she was unwilling to take him, it was too much, and she had no time to learn it. That in all her years she had never had a diabetic etcetcetcetc.
My heart crushed. My heart felt the same way it did a year ago when he was first diagnosed. Alone, angry, afraid. Afraid, that Julian would never be accepted. Afraid things as simple as sleep overs with grandparents- best friends, boyscout camping trips- wont be possible for my sweet child, who deserves to experience his life to the fullest. Alone because, no matter what I can not make people learn how to take care of my baby. I can not make people understand how important it is for my family, and how it will effect the enjoyment and life of a innocent child. I want to teach everyone about diabetes.. May sound crazy- but i think just as everyone should know CPR- they should know how to DO SIMPLE MATH-FOLLOW Formula's- and give a shot! Diabetes is a growing disease that is/ and does not go away.
After getting over the slump of emotions I looked online to see which celebrities were diabetics...
here i found...

Halle Berry- type one..( i think we all know her!!!)
Victor Garber..type one( played captain on Titanic & many other films)
Randy Jackson type one.. ( we all know him to- judge from American idol and music producer.
Elizabeth Perkins..type one..( actress from one of my favorite tv shows- WEEDS)
Kenny Duckett.. type one...( Wide Receiver for the NEW ORLEANS SAINTS!!!!!!!)
Nick Jonas.. type one...(we should all know him as well.. singer for the Jonas brothers)

I then realized, i'm not alone. and the show will go on. My son will grow to be what ever it is he wants- and be able to do anything you & I do. I know the day will come when he hates himself for his condition- and he'll question God "why me??" and he will slam his bedroom door- screaming at me for not letting him go to a friends house, infear the uneducated parent will not know what to do in emergency, or no inforce him to treat himself. Blaming,myself for limiting what he can do, Not because he SHOULD be limited- but BECAUSE OTHERS REFUSE TO BE EDUCATED ON DIABETES!
I hope us moving home will encourage others to learn more and become more involved- so THEY can be more involved with our son.

thanks for letting me vent! :)

Museum!!

Well here is a small update with some pictures!.. Last weekend we headed to downtown Portsmouth, to bring Julian to the Virginia Children's Museum! Julian had a complete BLAST-Josh and myself, however, were disappointed( new Orleans one is much much better).

There was plenty there to keep him busy for a large part of the day! After we left we walked the streets, and shops. I, unfortunately had to go to work, so we left so that i could have time to get dressed and such.

in the picture below- Julian is learning about air blowing..and how powerful wind/air can be.


here we were learning about pulleys/ levers


oh Joy- they had a theater. Once again, Like father- LIKE SON.. Julian was so loving being on a stage, and putting on a show.

on our way out we stopped to see the fire truck

...

As you can see... Julian is literally Josh's mini-me. They even sleep the same..... lol Boys had lots of fun at the museum, and completely zonked out on the way home!

movie night on the beach! :)

Okay. So.. My heart has been struggling with the whole working thing. Not because i'm having to work...not because i work weird hours, but mostly because i feel like im missing out on so much fun stuff with Julian & quality family time!
So today while Josh was at work, I planned something special and fun for us to do as a family- it was a surprise!!
So after work Josh had captains cup, me and Ju went watch-- and after that it was about dinner time so we headed to the beach to grab some grub! :)
Julian of course stole his daddy's cup-- hehe.



It was a beautiful day at the ocean front! Nice and breezy- mid-high 80's! mm' PERFECT!

After eating... we began to stroll towards my little surprise! here it is!!!

YESS! We pulled out a blanket- snacks, and were going to be watching a movie..in the sand..on this beautiful night on the shore of Virginia beach! how cool!!!??? We were going to be watching Monsters Vs. Aliens!They had a scavenger hunt set up for the kids-(more for adultsLOL).. we had to travel a 5 block radius to find a ALIEN. Answers to questions would lead us to him!

Sadly, we didnt win a trophy.. but we did however, win a metal!! :)

We were having such a great time, but it was still to bright outside to start the movie-so we brought Ju down to the water and played. the tide was coming in so we didnt play in it to awful much- but he still had a complete BLAST!

CANT YOU TELL?????

A nice lady offered to get a picture of us all together. Julian was not happy because this took away from his play time. lol..

Finally the sun went down and the movie began. We maybe got to watch 15 minutes of it before Julian threw a complete fit. he was acting like he was afraid of the big tall girl( on the movie). which is completely weird, because he use to watch this movie al the time at his grandma's house. we chalked it up to him being completely exhausted and decided to head on home( by time this it was already 8:55< explains alot huh?)

Either way..this event was totally free! and such a nice outing- Josh, Julian and myself had such a great time! This is one thing i will truly miss about VA beach-- the family oriented atmosphere!!

anyways...i got camera happy- and took a crap ton of pictures. but hate the way it has to be loaded on this thing. so this will have to do for now! Watch for more to be posted on facebook!

enjoy xoxo

Angel kisses!

So far this week Julian and I have had two days of mommy- son fun! Every other day has been consumed of me working, and Julian spending lots of quality time with Josh.

On the 24th, Julian and I went to see Cars2! It was good, but was some what of a dissapointment to me. Obviously, Julian loved it, which is what really matters! I just thought it wasn't as KIDish as the first. Talked alot about hurting others, and death.. idk maybe just made for older kids. Julian would get sad when other cars " Died" or "blew up". Either way, Julian didnt move a muscle the entire film.. and was so excited to have had the chance to go see it!! He talked about it for hours and days after!!

Today we went off to the local pool to spend some time in the sun, and outdoors! It was a nice day, in the high 80's but not the killer 100's it has been lately. Sadly the baby pool was closed today( there went my laying out in the sun time..haha) so i went in the big pool with Julian. As most of you already know, Julian is fearless- so being in and around the big pool was a job in itself. you have to watch him closely, he is quick to want to go off on his own. Most of the time he played on the steps where he could reach, but every once in a while he'd ask me.." mommy play airplane..( he wanted me to hold him under her belly for him to float), or he'd say.." mommy play boat!" (which pretty much is the same thing as airplane, except he blew bubbles and made noises!) We had the entire pool to our selves for a few hours, which was very nice and relaxing. As we were sitting out in the sun, i realized.. JULIAN HAS FRECKLES! This must be new..perhaps just came about in his recent time spent in the sun!!...

I know the quality of these pictures arent all that great, they were taken with my phone! I played with the tuning in hopes of making the freckles show better in the pictures..

yeah i know the one below u cant see anything..hahaha however, look how beautiful Julian's eyes look! :)


Overall, I saw about 7-10 freckles over Julian's nose, about 4 on his chest/belly..and three on his back in a triangle shape! I have a good feeling he will be covered in them like his daddy! :)

Father's Day Weekend

I threw in some random pictures of our sweet Julian! he is getting so darn big, I can hardly stand it! He is growing up so quickly and I wish so badly I could keep him-- right here.. be my little 2 1/2 year old for ever!!
I am unsure if I mentioned- but Julian's newest obsession( was woody- then McQueen) is now Thomas! Trains, trains, trains! It's all we hear about from the moment he opens his eyes, til the time he goes to bed! Granted- he still loves McQueen, I see Thomas taking his place in Julians heart in the NEAR future!




Also, since our latest move- Julian graduated to a BIG BIG boy bed! he got spoiled for sleeping with me in a big bed while we were in Louisiana! he loves his bed!! Here he is on the first day after the transformation!



first nap in his big bed!

And finally- Father's Day weekend! Of course, Josh had work on Father's day( as he does every holiday lately). So we ventured off to the beach on Saturday. We spent majority of the day out there! We sealed off Julian's leg( act of congress) so he couldn't get anything in his wound... and let him enjoy some refreshing water and play time at the beach. He was on cloud 9- it was his first time outside since his surgery 2 week prior.


The big boys playing in the sand!

After the beach, we went over to a friends house who were throwing a BBQ party before their newest addition arrives, Miss Layla! :) There were lots of kiddo's there for Julian to play with! He had such a good day!!( We all did!! Thanks for having us Meg&Chance!) While there I snapped a few pictures, obviously. Julian himself came across a camera- and decided to take some pictures as well!
Notice his hands on the len's! LOL

Julian & Boo(Braeden) sharing a cup of ce!!

Mr. Braeden Brown, himself! :)

Mmmm.. grilled hot dogs!

Anyways- thats about it for now- I will update again soon! :) Enjoy!